It is often said that every person gets one chance in their entire lifetime to find their one true match. If that’s actually the case (not that it necessarily is), wouldn’t you want to make sure that the one that you are spending your time with is the one for you? Well, we all want to be loved in a way that helps us feel appreciated for exactly what or who we are. There are chances that being invested in a relationship is sometimes a one way task, while, one actually gives it their 100%, the other might not. And before anyone jumps to conclusion that it is always the guys who never give their complete dedication, it can be the other way around too. It doesn’t really matter!
Unconditional love has become a concept for the novel that is hardly seen in real life anymore. As contradictory it may sound, there are actually couples around the globe who are ready to devour their partner with their complete love and dedication without expecting much in return. On the other hand, if you are witnessing signs that make you question your capabilities and stance in the relationship, it is most likely that your partner isn’t fully appreciative and supportive of you.
Are you wondering what those signs of red alert are? We have got your back. Scroll down to know more about the signs that it’s time to either sit down and talk or give this entire charade a second thought.
1-Criticism (and not the good kind!)
Listen! This is not to point every small detail in a relationship but isn’t it better to have someone that appreciates you just the way you are and doesn’t want you to change based on what fits their narrative best? Has it been happening that they have been criticizing every single thing you have been doing; trying to invalidate all your achievements and good work?
While criticism and bantering are actually signs of a healthy relationship, the moment the same becomes persistent and accusing, it is time to understand that it has taken a negative direction – one that is dictating the fact that your partner might not be a 100% invested in the relationship like you are. But, that necessarily doesn’t mean that your relationship is a lost case because, trust me, it’s not. All you need to do is sit down and counter question and get it spread out in front of you. Understand each other’s point of view and try and have a healthy outlet for your problems rather than hurling everything out on each other.
2-Inclusion becomes a secondary option
Often times than not, we are often faced trapped in a relationship where the most you know about your partner is what you see when you are together alone. Does it not trigger you that there might be something unresolved if your partner doesn’t want you to mingle with his social circle or doesn’t even mingle with yours? If your partner is not integrating you in his life and not doing the same in yours, it is time to reevaluate a bit of everything.
There is nothing in the world that a conversation can’t possibly solve. Sit down and talk to your partner and try and understand their point of view and why they are unwilling to include you in their life, confess your distress about the situation and then see where it takes you from there; if it inflicts any changes.
3-Bringing back past topics of disagreement
One of the most important things about a healthy relationship lies in the power of forgiving and letting go. If you are witnessing your partner “keeping score” of the mistakes or the issues that have been caused because of you, it is most likely that you need to put your foot down and think things over. There are way too many people in the world who are there sitting to remind you of your flaws and the mistakes you have committed over time, the last thing you need is to be on the receiving end of such blows from the person who is supposed to love you without any strings.
This kind of “putting down” behavior from your partner insinuates toxicity in a relationship, which, eventually highlights your weakness rather than your strengths and positive side which is the highlight of an unconditional love. While you can definitely try and talk it out, it is also best to just put yourself first and walk away before the toxicity gets worse.
4-You aren’t the priority, they themselves are
If your partner loves you the way you think they do, they are going to put the pedal down and put your feelings first, EVERYTIME. It is not about “being whipped”, it’d about doing it because the person wants to, not because they have to. This is one of the most important signs of a healthy relationship. If you are always feeling backtracked and as a secondary presence in your partner’s life, maybe, there’s something wrong going on in the entire ordeal.
Whenever the balance of the relationships aligns towards “Me and I” from “Us and We”, it is an alarming alert that things are getting out of track. Adjustments and compromises are part of a relationship but don’t twist everything in a way that you end up losing your stance and importance in the relationship. It is not the end of the world, you can still explain your position to your partner and expect them to work on it but if it doesn’t, it is most likely a good signal that it’s time to maybe, move on from it.
5-Forget important milestones in the relationship
Let’s just step out from the typical myth that “Guys can never remember important dates and anniversaries” because the same can happen with girls as well. Remembering and cherishing important milestones in a relationship is completely dependent on how much the person values those moments. Forgetting important dates and anniversaries once or twice is permissible because let’s be real, we definitely have a lot going on our plates. But, the moment this becomes a regular thing, it is maybe time to look into it and find what the actual problem is.
Many experts suggest that consistently forgetting dates and anniversaries in a relationship is a sign that your partner is not completely invested in the relationship. There are chances that you are not their priority and there are other “more important” things in their life that has been pre-occupying their time. If it keeps bothering you, talk it out with your partner and find a way out.
6-Least bothered about what’s important to you
Now, you would normally expect your partner to more or less be acquainted with what you like and dislike, right? I don’t mean to be the bearer of the bad news but there are chances that your partner doesn’t even know the core values you share, lest, your like and dislikes. If you have been in the relationship for quite some time now and your partner doesn’t even know how you like your coffee in the morning, it is a clear indication that they lack the kind of investment that you probably have in your relationship.
But, even that doesn’t mean that you should jump to right conclusions. Talk out your concerns with your partner and spot what the actual problem is and why they have been so neglectful and inattentive about you. Maybe, they are just forgetful. MAYBE!
7-Avoiding when you are sick
One of the most important tests of love comes along when the other is sick and unwell. Everyone wants to share happiness; the true test is when they are equally present in your grief and sorrow. If your partner is bailing out on you when you are sick, it is a major sign that they are flaking out on their responsibilities and not care enough to take care of you when you are in pain.
You being sick shouldn’t necessarily gross them out; rather, motivate them to take better care of you so you heal faster. Experts suggest that bailing out on your partner while they are unwell is a clear sign of lack of investment in a relationship. It is always in these little moments of setback that help you understand the true nature of your partner’s love for you.
8-Your opinions aren’t valued
Opinions are always going to vary between people. It is next to impossible to have someone agree to everything you do and say and that is completely fine. Your partner and you don’t necessarily have to have the same opinions. The problem arises when your partner completely disregards your feelings and opinions and belittles them. Being respectful about each other’s opinions is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. If the same is missing, there are possibilities that your partner might just not be the one you have been looking for.
If your partner only sides with you when you align your thoughts and life choices based on their opinions, it is time to understand that no part in this relationship is unconditional, at least not on their part. It often signifies signs of manipulation and it is better to stay alone rather than staying feeling inferior in a relationship.
9-The same old blame game
Blaming and getting blamed for even the smallest of the problem is the first red sign of an unhealthy relationship. Accusations without any solid fact are actually an indication that your partner is intentionally trying to point your flaws and problems. Blaming often induces shame in a relationship which belittles the feelings and position of the other person in a relationship. Before you accuse your partner about something, try and evaluate your contribution to the mistake before jumping straight to conclusions.
Persistent blaming is a sign that everything you are doing in the relationship is sub-par and satisfactory enough for the person which is what is making them complain, even about the smallest of the small things. Constant blame and accusations is a sign that your partner isn’t completely respectful of you which should never be entertained.
Relationships are a work in the making. Nothing of it is constant and universal. Every single relationship has its own perks and downs and it is always best to ensure that you never lose your importance while tending to your partner’s demands and requirements. If you ever find yourself in the middle of any of these above mentioned situations, there are possibilities that your partner isn’t as much as you think they are. Evaluate the situation and take your call.