We often talk about forgiving others because “Be the bigger person”, right? But, why is it that the same doesn’t apply to one’s own self? Why is it often so hard for one to take on the constant blame and not forgive themselves? Finding the steps to forgive yourself could very well be tough but not impossible at all.
You could hurt someone or even commit a big mistake that is weighing down on your guilty conscience. But, doesn’t mean that you can’t find it in yourself to forgive yourself for the misdeeds and grow from the negatives.
In here, we are going to be sharing some of the ways to forgive yourself and move on for a better future.
How to Forgive Yourself?
As we did mention before, the process of forgive yourself is extensive and never too easy as you might deem it as.
It goes without saying if you have been struggling with your inner thoughts and constant turmoil; there are varying ways in which one can easily find ways to forgive yourself for things that you have done.
1-Start with focusing on your emotions
The very first stage of forgiving yourself and recovering from the guilt and self hatred is when you sit down and assess the emotions swirling around in your mind.
Before anything, you need to take a step back and assess the damage caused and how the same has hampered your emotions and thoughts. Only then will you be able to get over the problems for good and fight them through and through.
Accept the wrong doings and try and overcome them to shine through everything all along. It is okay for you to wallow in self pity but you need to take the upper hand to help fight through the same and rise up and high.
2-Forgiveness starts when you let go
You just can’t move forth with the steps to forgive yourself if you here standing holding onto the past. If you can’t find it in yourself to let go off of the past, chances are that you are going to end up doing or getting nothing done at all.
It is important to ensure that you take the time out of your thought process to just put a stone on the past and move on from that. If you want to forgive yourself for hurting someone, you can’t be stuck in the past reliving the negativities and expect everything to get fixed magically.
Remember in the moment that everything you are doing is for the best and that itself should take care of everything.
3-Understand that morals and values change
Nobody is static with their lives and doings. Everyone does things in their life that they aren’t proud of. But, in the course of finding how to forgive yourself, we forget that we grow and mature with time.
What our morals and values were 2 years back aren’t possibly the same now. This is where you learn how to forgive yourself. Understand that whatever you did back then doesn’t define who you are today. Convince yourself that you have grown out of that phase and evolved as a human being.
This makes it a lot easier for you to forgive yourself after a big mistake gradually and eventually.
4-Make amends for your wrongs
Say for example, you want to forgive yourself for cheating; it is important that you take a step back and assess how much you have hurt your partner then.
Realizing this helps ensure that you have a better idea about how much pain that other person has gone through. Not just that, this also helps in making amends of the relationship that has no structure to it anymore.
You will find it easier within yourself to forgive yourself when you find the other person forgive you that easily. Life isn’t about holding grudges and this is an example of just that.
5-Ask yourself what you want
You’d be surprised to know that several people often fail to forgive themselves only for the reason that they aren’t even sure what they want with the forgiveness.
As weird as it might sound, it actually is true. In order for you to forgive yourself, it is important to ensure that you know what it is that you want.
Do you want the forgiveness to rid yourself off the burden or do you want the forgiveness to feel calm and whole again? When you find your answer to these, it does become a lot easier for manage.
6-Admit it to yourself
One of the best steps to forgive yourself is to admit it to yourself that you did something wrong and effed things up.
Until and unless you realize that, it is not going to be easier for you to learn to forgive yourself. If you wish to move on with your life and not let it stay stagnant, it is important to ensure that you accept that you did something wrong and don’t just bury the hatchet.
Owing up to your mistakes will make you realize the problem and will help you work on yourself to become better. Forgiveness comes along with that itself.
7-Take this as a learning experience
We learn and evolve as human beings. It is not uncommon for you to make mistakes but not learning from them and committing the same again and again is where the problem arises from.
This helps shape you up as a better person and even provides you to have a better outlook on life. In order to forgive yourself and move on, you need to ensure that you evolve from the mistakes and take them seriously to make better impressions in your life.
Knowing that you are learning from the wrong deed and getting better through the process does help a lot to forgive yourself after a big mistake.
8-Recognise the power of redo
Not many realize this but there is a lot of power that redoing a certain stance can bring about. If you are struggling with finding steps to forgive yourself, think of the ways you would opt for to do things a different way.
When you acknowledge the ways you would have done something differently, it does become a lot easier for us to move on from the mistake and move on for a far better future.
9-Self acceptance is the key
Yet another one of the important steps to forgive yourself is to accept yourself for who you are. Nobody in this world is perfect and the same does extend on to you as well.
If you have done something wrong, it is time that instead of constantly beating yourself up over it; you brush past it and move on for a better life. Self acceptance is key when it comes to better impacts in your overall life. What this does is help ensure that you know your worth and realize how much you have grown from your mistakes as well.
When we commit some mistake or hurt someone really bad, we tend to have this habit of replaying those thoughts over and over again in our minds. This is where we go wrong. If you want to overcome the wrongs and forgive yourself to move on from the same, it is important that you stop with the constant string of self blame.
Constantly replaying what you did wrong is going to hurt you and the person involved as well. So, every single time that you find yourself ruminating on your sins and the prospects behind the mistakes you have committed, try and have a better and positive outlook on the situation.
Replace those thoughts with something positive and that itself should do the trick.
11-Imagine how content you would be
One of the best steps to forgive yourself is to imagine how the feeling would be. If you want to find and source your inner peace, it is important that you opt for self forgiveness.
Not only does it help bring in better sense of belonging but also helps you feel better about the situation. You wouldn’t technically realize this but it does help in bring in more and more ways to help attain a sense of peace and belong instead of restlessness and guilt.
12-Talk to your inner critic
One of the primary reasons that end up preventing you from achieving better and attainable things in life is no one else but yourself.
In order for you to overcome those and learn to forgive yourself, it is important to ensure that you talk to your inner critic. Journaling helps a lot through this process.
Not everyone can stand in front of a mirror and accept their wrong doings. The next best thing to do is to write down your thoughts and keep a record of the factors and triggers that could be preventing you from getting a hang out of the situation.
Don’t just jot down the negatives about yourself but focus on the positives too because even that comes in handy a lot.
13-Identify what your regrets are
Often times what happens is that we act so much out of our naivety that when we grow out of it, it becomes hard for us to distinguish what the problem is that is haunting us down.
The best way to fight through that is by ensuring that you list down all the regrets that you have in your life because that does come a lot in handy.
If you are struggling through and through with how to forgive yourself, the best way is to take your time out to assess the situation and see what can be done to make better changes to one’s life.
14-Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique
Also often termed as PERT, this is a method by which one overpowers their negative string of thoughts by refocusing more on the positive aspects in their lives.
It is a 45 second method that has been discussed to actually work and help one in need. If you are struggling through to forgive yourself for hurting someone, this method can actually come in handy.
All you got to do is close your eyes, inhale deeply and then exhale slowly and steadily. This helps in replenishing the body with the necessary oxygen requirements and prevents any kind of negative thoughts to progress any further.
15-Stop rushing things through
Yet another one of the amazing ways to help cope with the steps to forgive yourself is by taking your time with the process. Stop rushing things and expect results in just one flip. That is not how anything works, neither your journey for gaining self forgiveness.
Much like everything, even this requires some important time and if you are impatient with the process, chances are that you won’t technically gain anything from it. So, try and be patient throughout because that is what that matters at the end of the day.
In order to successfully complete the steps to forgive yourself, it is important to ensure that you take the time that you need to reflect on yourself and what you need to do to overcome that guilt that has been building within you. It all comes out in the wash and this is something applicable for the mistakes that you have committed too.