Can you recall one of those times when you envied your colleagues or classmates and wished to be as good as them forgetting to notice the special points in “you”? Have you ever stood there clouding your own vision to appreciate the uniqueness in yourself?
We have all been there at some point. Few of us got over that clouded vision while few of us are still stuck there and there is so much to see yet. Self-sabotaging is never a part of one’s DNA, it just happens and few of us do not want to get over it. Self-sabotaging would never give out positive vibes and you need to understand its depth.
In this article, you will discover everything you need to know about self-sabotaging behaviour, the instances that clearly prove self-sabotaging behaviour and how to get over self-sabotaging by finding a better place to be in. Understand everything you need to know and get a reality check of how many time you would have self-sabotaged and how you should stop doing it. (R)
What Is Self Sabotaging?
The term self-sabotaging looks all-powerful, yes it is a powerful feeling and you must understand its depth. Its depth has to be understood because it is not a great feeling.
Self-sabotaging is a created mindset where a person gets into this zone of comparing oneself to everyone who is better without analyzing or understanding the good in oneself. It is not the right attitude and it is unfortunate that a lot of us go through it often.
It is more or less not giving yourself a chance to see the best version in you and you would just happen to look at everything that is negative. Metaphorically, you cannot imagine thinking big for yourself as you are stuck thinking small for yourself.
The risk of being self-sabotaged is being in your cocoon and stopping every possibility that can help you grow. While we fight with negativity, we are all bound to self-sabotage unconsciously.
Self-sabotaging does not always end up happening naturally, we indirectly sabotage ourselves and become blocks in our own path by being laid back, resorting to wrong habits and taking or growth for granted.
It is our duty to overpower sabotaging thoughts with our own will power and determination.
Why Does One End Up In The Sabotaging Lane?
Why would someone end up sabotaging themselves, it happens for several reasons that we could have probably not thought of. Mostly it has all got to do with the self and at times it could be an influence of being criticized or lacking confidence that puts a person through these thoughts.
Here are a few of the causes of why we tend to sabotage ourselves
1. Blinded Towards Recognizing Self Worth
Why do you fail to look at your achievements? It so happens that you end up sabotaging yourself even for what you deserve to get because you have never gotten to understand that you are worthy and great in the way you are. The biggest reason you are accustomed to sabotaging is your incompetence in valuing your own worth.
2. Taking A Chance Is Never in Your Dictionary
You are inclined to sabotaging when you are afraid of facing failure or you are more connected to your doubts of success rather than the confidence to succeed. This becomes a cause because you are not willing to see what best is there out there as you are limited to just your doubts. (R)
3. Failing To Prioritize Time
You are likely to start procrastinating just because you are not willing to prioritize between productive and unproductive time. This is one of the biggest reason to stop you from reaching your goals. When you procrastinate you are walking every step to feel miserable and lose confidence on getting where you want to be.
4. Giving Your Best To Control Everything Forgetting What Is Important In The Bargain
You do not have your say and control on everything. Do you? Think of how much you are sabotaging yourself just because you are trying to put your hands in everything. The biggest cause for self sabotaging is fighting with your own self to do the best without realizing that not everything is for you to be your best at.
5. You Tend To Avoid Rather Than Face
This is so natural that you get uncomfortable with a task or you want to avoid it rather than face it so you run away from it and are sabotaging yourself by not making your efforts into trying to do the task because you make up your mind that it is not your cup of tea and you rather stay away from it. Whereas, you would have had all the scope to learn from it but you never made the most of time and when it comes as a problem you do not want to face it and rather run away from it.
Signs Of Self Sabotaging
Lookup for the signs that clearly reflect that you are self-sabotaging. Remember, you are looking into the signs so that you finally realize its high time and that you should stop self-sabotaging.
- When you are being bad to yourself and you always have this perception of I cannot do or I am not made for this. This always your reaction.
- You are not brave enough to look into the eye of the opposite person and talk about problems because you are not confident enough to take criticism or someone not agreeing with you. When you lose that maturity to have a one on one conversation you are big-time sabotaging yourself. Even if you are doing it because you think that the opposite person is better of you are not being any kind to yourself.
- While you may not totally agree at the moment. But yes, your habit of procrastinating builds castles of stress and you are happily sabotaging yourself by piling up work. You know what to do to be the sensible one.
- You are never sure of the good that happens too and for no reason, you doubt what you deserve. That moment when you begin to overthink and forget to breathe and just agree to the fact that even you are good enough and you made it.
- When you do not find the right ways to deal with your self-created issues. That said, you are totally sabotaging yourself every time you think that oversleeping, alcohol, smoking or overeating can help you feel better and nothing other than this could prove a better option to deal with your problems.
Now you got a real-time picture about what self-sabotaging means, you know what causes it and the signs that clearly show how you tend to self-sabotage.
Ways to Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviour
How long would you want to be bad to yourself or for that matter be a hindrance in your own growth? Its high-time you work on looking at ways to stop yourself from having a self-sabotaging behaviour.
If it had benefits to offer you or by any chance worked a way for you, it would still make sense to continue having a self-sabotaging behaviour. Here are ways to constructive work on overcoming self-sabotaging behaviour
Way No 1 – Get A Make-Over In How You See Yourself
What if you are asked to start seeing the different shades of the sky while you would have been immune to watching the sky as blue, it would sort of seem difficult. Is it not? It will seem exactly the same way when you would have to try looking at valuing yourself. You cannot expect to change your ways right away, it will take time.
Tips on how to value yourself better
- Jot down every negative thought you feel and convert it into a positive one
- Pat yourself for every positive thought you could successfully implement on yourself
- Every week check on how well are you progressing with regards to valuing yourself better
- Don’t bother about being the best
- Make the most of all your plus points and feel good about yourself
- Start to believe that you are different in your way
Stop sabotaging by beginning to value yourself!
Way No 2 – Analyse What Is Stopping You From Confrontation
If you think your relationship with everyone around is getting hampered then there must be something going wrong from your end. Try and understand what is making you uncomfortable or why is it that you are having a problem with the person always and creating discomfort in the environment.
Here is what you need to ask yourself
How close is that person to you?
What better can you do to mind your reactions?
Ask yourself if it is worth the argument?
Looking through yourself would help you stop sabotaging behaviour and ultimately you will learn how to handle such situations better.
Way No 3 – Replace Procrastination To Being Prompt
Procrastination would end up putting your through a lot of stress and when stress cannot be managed it could entirely end up disturbing your mind. Given the fact that you want to overcome self-sabotaging, it would get tough if you do not work on improving yourself.
Ways To Be Prompt Instead Of Procrastinating
- Do not detach from what you have to achieve
- Get off the burden from your shoulders by setting delegating time for every task
- Have your priorities set right
- Do not mix fun time during work time
- Stop getting carried away from every aspect that is separating you from your goal
- Be hard on yourself to achieve your goal
- Start to tell yourself that a little sacrifice will reward you results of a stress-free mind
All in all, when you learn how to adapt to changes that would turn you into a prompt person with regards to how you divide time and complete your task, you are going to get over one side of self-sabotaging.
Way No 4 – Stop Questioning Yourself! Celebrate Your Achievement!
Why should you dare to question yourself when you slogged to get to where you want. Why should you have this sabotaging mindset of doubting the good that you do? Would you like it if one of your close friends or siblings did that to themselves? It would be disappointing, isn’t it? For all, you know your family feels the same way for you.
You have to learn to see things as they are, if you have earned your achievement then accept it with all joy, it is, after all, a reward. Likewise, if you think you did bad, accept that as well. Acceptance is a way to grow as well as a way to recognize your worth. Now on, whenever you have achieved, say it proudly that you earned it, do not get into a question mark mode of whether you deserve it or not.
Way No 5 – Get A Hold On How You Deal With Issues
It is strange that when you are stressed you just want to rely on some means to get over stress. However, do you think that’s right? It is easier said that you should stay away from opting to do momentary stuff that would give you immediate relief and make you regret later.
Dealing with your problems by drinking, smoking, overeating or doing something else is just killing productive time that is left as an opportunity for you to make up for the lost time that is stressing you out. It is simple, the moment you feel stressed, do not jump into picking anything.
Give yourself a few minutes to think. This is a turning point and if you do not hold yourself here, you will never get over sabotaging. What you should possibly do is relax for few minutes with a cup of coffee, talk a walk in the fresh air, make up your mind and be strong that you will give your best and not repeat the same mistakes again.
The only secret to getting a hold of your issues is by imagining about what sort of a circumstance would you intend to call for yourself. Just that one thought will make a difference.
Way No 6 – Pacify Your Fears
Fear is one of the biggest reason for self-sabotaging. Has it ever been easy for anyone to face their fears? It is never easy for anyone. When you learn how to be brave with your fears, you will overcome self-doubt and develop the courage to take chances and test your potential.
The only way to overcome or face your fear is by pacifying it all by yourself. You have to just give yourself a pep talk or rather the motivation that you are the strongest person even if you feel weak. This is how you out-beat one negative thought into a positive one.
Way No 7 – Implement Your Plans
If you have made goals its time to implement them. Having said, do not overcrowd implementing your plans, take it to step by step. Individually work on plans, complete one goal and then move on to the next one. You cannot be haphazard with your plans. Start with implementing small plans.
Take a real-time example. Say suppose, you have to complete an assignment in 10 days. Plan on how would you work on your task for all the 8 days. You do not work on it the ninth day. Once you get a hang of how to plan small and finish off the designated task you would get an experience on how to put your other plans to use.
Way No 8 – Think Only When It Is Necessary – Do Not Overthink!
Our thoughts do a lot to say about our personality. It is essential to think when the situation demands and when you are planning on how to work on your goals. However, you have to drill it in your mind that you are not allowed to overthink. Overthinking is one way of self-sabotaging. Overthinking is seriously bad for health.
Way No 9 – Be Good To Yourself
Give yourself the love and care you need, this is important because you really need to understand how worthy you are and just so that you never sabotage focus on being kind with yourself. How can you be more compassionate with yourself?
- Do not fight too much in your head
- Forget and forgive yourself
- Be thankful and happy about every moment that you get
- Celebrate every little achievement
- Start to look at the beauty in you, whether it is internal or external
Compassion is one way of making you feel great and highly confident about yourself!
Way No 10 – Its Never Too Late For A New Beginning
Since you have identified the no of times you would have self -sabotaged, the mistakes you have made and missed out on time. You might feel that it’s too late now. However, you do not realize that it is not too late unless you start working on yourself right away. You can set right everything by focusing on a new beginning.
Talking of a new beginning you can get more synchronized and sorted out with how do you plan your personal and professional life, understand the importance of keeping a balance of your emotions, shut yourself from negative thoughts either by adding positive thoughts or just letting go of the negative thoughts. Change your mindset and you will start a new beginning.
To conclude it all, stopping self-sabotaging behaviour is just not about working on one of your behaviour patterns, it is about collectively working on several behaviour patterns.
You do not really need to look for skills to cope up with self-sabotaging behaviour but it will come along and you would be able to deal with it.
On a whole, it is about collectively polishing your behaviour right from how you think about yourself, how you reward yourself, how you take steps to keep away every distraction that is pulling you back from being a successful person. So it is not a tough job but to adapt to a few changes can seem challenging when you begin.
Be open to a new beginning and overcome self-sabotaging behaviour!